"I'm possibly one bad date away from bitter." - Carrie Bradshaw
That quote just about sums up my feelings perfectly after a bout of...well, of trying too hard. Or at least feeling like I have to try too hard to meet a guy! There's been online dating...introductions...fix-ups...and everything has left me sensing that I'm trying to force the hand of something that should just happen organically, naturally...and in its own time.
Overall, my life is great. I have amazing friends, a loving (and slightly crazy) family, a good job and an apartment I love. Even my roommates rock! So, I decided over the weekend it's time to just relax and get comfortable with who I am. Around this time last year, thanks to a phenomenal therapist and a LOT of hard work, I'd reached a major turning point where I felt really good about being single. I was confident, genuinely happy and had no doubt that I'd find *my* guy when the time was right. (Because life is all about the timing, isn't it?) I was even - finally - okay with my weight and embraced my curvy figure...something I have struggled with my entire life!
Fast-forward to the now; the curves have diminished along with my healthy sense of self. I got a little lost somewhere along the way...a little too wrapped up in wanting to make someone else happy that I couldn't satisfy no matter how hard I tried. Now, I'm starting back towards the path I veered away from and taking it one day at a time. I'm getting closer, feeling like B again and ready to see where life leads me. I think I need to try hard at only one thing right now; loving who I am. Everything else will work itself out.
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You have to love yourself first and be comfortable with who you are, before anyone else will. Subconsciously, we all project to people how we should be treated. If we don't like ourselves, we send out the message that it's okay to treat us like crap. You have come such a far way and achieved so much. I know just a little breather and sometime to remember how wonderful you are, is all that you need. I heart you!
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