"I'm possibly one bad date away from bitter." - Carrie Bradshaw
That quote just about sums up my feelings perfectly after a bout of...well, of trying too hard. Or at least feeling like I have to try too hard to meet a guy! There's been online dating...introductions...fix-ups...and everything has left me sensing that I'm trying to force the hand of something that should just happen organically, naturally...and in its own time.
Overall, my life is great. I have amazing friends, a loving (and slightly crazy) family, a good job and an apartment I love. Even my roommates rock! So, I decided over the weekend it's time to just relax and get comfortable with who I am. Around this time last year, thanks to a phenomenal therapist and a LOT of hard work, I'd reached a major turning point where I felt really good about being single. I was confident, genuinely happy and had no doubt that I'd find *my* guy when the time was right. (Because life is all about the timing, isn't it?) I was even - finally - okay with my weight and embraced my curvy figure...something I have struggled with my entire life!
Fast-forward to the now; the curves have diminished along with my healthy sense of self. I got a little lost somewhere along the way...a little too wrapped up in wanting to make someone else happy that I couldn't satisfy no matter how hard I tried. Now, I'm starting back towards the path I veered away from and taking it one day at a time. I'm getting closer, feeling like B again and ready to see where life leads me. I think I need to try hard at only one thing right now; loving who I am. Everything else will work itself out.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Dipping my toe in the water...
I had a date last night. Now, before you go and get all excited, please understand it was a guy I met online. Ok Cupid to be exact. It's a free dating site. You do the math!
Anyway, I met Ok Cupid Guy (we'll call him OCG) after exchanging a week's worth of brief emails. As I walked into the bar last night, I only knew a few important things about OCG: he's a teacher, he lives on the Cape, he has curly hair. I didn't even know his last name! But whatever. Last names are too personal anyway. I like to keep things loose.
I spotted OCG almost as soon as I walked in because he looked just like his pictures...sort of. I'm thinking the most recent photo he posted online was taken at least 3 years ago, but no matter. This girl is a trooper! I sat down, we made the manditory small talk and then...and then I started working my ass off. You see, I tend to have a rather big personality and OCG had a very small one. That, my friends, does not make for lively conversation. I asked a lot of questions. He answered. I asked more questions. He sipped his Sam Adams and answered. OCG was nice...educated...enjoyed teaching...and that was about it. I talked, gestured, tried my hardest to liven things up but it wasn't happening. The most exciting thing that happened all evening was getting to see a video he made on his phone of his parents' dog. Seriously. It gave me something to "ooh" and "aah" over!
I ended our "date" about 90 mintues after it started. My beer glass was empty and so was I; there was no more small talk to be made, no more questions to be asked. I was officially finished working for the night. I could say that I'm disheartened, but that would be a lie. OCG may not have been *my* right guy, but he will be the perfect match for someone else. Now, I'm back to finding the guy who's right for B-Tripp. The one with a personality that compliments mine. The one I can talk and laugh and bullshit with and it never feels like work. He's out there...maybe here, maybe far away, maybe right under my nose. All I have to do is believe.
Anyway, I met Ok Cupid Guy (we'll call him OCG) after exchanging a week's worth of brief emails. As I walked into the bar last night, I only knew a few important things about OCG: he's a teacher, he lives on the Cape, he has curly hair. I didn't even know his last name! But whatever. Last names are too personal anyway. I like to keep things loose.
I spotted OCG almost as soon as I walked in because he looked just like his pictures...sort of. I'm thinking the most recent photo he posted online was taken at least 3 years ago, but no matter. This girl is a trooper! I sat down, we made the manditory small talk and then...and then I started working my ass off. You see, I tend to have a rather big personality and OCG had a very small one. That, my friends, does not make for lively conversation. I asked a lot of questions. He answered. I asked more questions. He sipped his Sam Adams and answered. OCG was nice...educated...enjoyed teaching...and that was about it. I talked, gestured, tried my hardest to liven things up but it wasn't happening. The most exciting thing that happened all evening was getting to see a video he made on his phone of his parents' dog. Seriously. It gave me something to "ooh" and "aah" over!
I ended our "date" about 90 mintues after it started. My beer glass was empty and so was I; there was no more small talk to be made, no more questions to be asked. I was officially finished working for the night. I could say that I'm disheartened, but that would be a lie. OCG may not have been *my* right guy, but he will be the perfect match for someone else. Now, I'm back to finding the guy who's right for B-Tripp. The one with a personality that compliments mine. The one I can talk and laugh and bullshit with and it never feels like work. He's out there...maybe here, maybe far away, maybe right under my nose. All I have to do is believe.
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